A lot has happened to me this year — I know this firstly by the memories, but also by the remnants of half written blog posts never published but re-read by yours truly time and time again as I try to get past things but at the same time bury them away because that’s who I am. I reckon a lot has happened to the world too. And maybe it’s not so much that more is happening but that we are becoming more and more aware of the events as they occur.
Maybe it’s not that there is more chaos around us but that we are waking up, finally, and this is a beautiful thing.
Maybe waking up is all about losing control. That’s why it’s feels dangerous. That’s why we feel insecure.
2016 has been terrible in a lot of ways but it’s also been eye opening.
Maybe 2016 has been a year of finding ourselves.
I know myself better than anyone else now. I know the blind spots I cultivate by the damage caused not only to myself but to others as well. I know new parts of myself, created in a whirlwind of fear and chaos, and I know older parts of myself very well now too. With each day passing I rediscover parts of myself that were always there but I never saw their value until now.
2016 happened upon me bundled by a river bank confused. 2017 is about meet me, the only me I can be, embracing the sunlight as I walk along my path. A little unsteady sometimes but measured, and tall. Not lost.
In a lot of ways I think that the things 2016 has put us through — from the personal to the global — has changed all of us too but change is okay. Change is part of the deal, we take it in exchange for time. We’re given this gift of life and we’re supposed to go out and figure out what it means but figuring out life means change, and change sometimes hurts?