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Aesir Legal; an adventure with Thunder Gods & Zombies.

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“I fell in love the way you fall asleep; slowly, and then all at once.” John Green, TFIOS


Okay guys! Something a little different today! WRITING. OMG. REAL AND ACTUAL WORDS. For funsies the fantabulous Amalia and I like to tell of our adventures from time to time (click here for le backstory) and today is no different! The current serial is known as Aesir Legal, and Amalia has very kindly allowed me to write half of an episode that she began here

THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW INCLUDE: i) Amalia, Mia, Thor, Bragi, and a few other KEY CHARACTERS are all swanning about the Asgardian Embassy ii) a zombie treaty has been broken iv) Baldur is shiny v) a window just exploded vi) this all ACTUALLY happened.

So! Onwards! 

The pain I expect never takes form. When I un-bury my face from the floor I see why. A wall of zombies protect us from the brunt of the shards of window. I sniff away pride as they dart about trying to collect the glass, gurgling as the breeze nips at their limbs.


Magpies the lot of them.

“Great work!” I call, sitting up and clapping my hands. I chuck a few hot dogs their way for positive reinforcement. “Really great work! You know, last time we ran a drill, I’ll be honest guys, I thought we were pretty much done for if ever I needed a zombie barrier but excellent! You really tied it togeth-oh.”

My eyes fall upon Tyler. Tyler currently holding up half a tree, arms not even straining, Tyler. I glance around. Baldur’s swatting away a few zombies as they dance around with glass, and Amalia seems wrapped up in her Thunder God for now. Lucky.

“Put it down!” I hiss as loudly as I dare across to the zombie.

A pair of warm hands helps me up as Tyler treats me to a head tilt and a frown.

“Don’t make me come over there! Quickly!”

Zombies play dumb and slow but they can be fast when they want to be. Tyler’s strength is ridiculous even for a member of the undead, a secret we’re saving for the next AGM of Zombies Anonymous so we can discuss the possible effect eating Wheetos is having on his weight lifting ability. TOP SECRET and Tyler finds ways to “accidentally” use his ability at every turn.

The branch creaks as Tyler deposits it and steps away. I narrow my eyes at him as I pluck a stray feather from my hair. He shrugs.

To an outsider this new turn of events probably seems like nothing, but Amalia’s Thunder God always has this way of spying a secret even before it forms in my mind. And we have two secrets now. If this is Tyler’s way of keeping his special skill under-wraps I guess we’re soon about to be booted from the embassy for secret numero DUO.

Thor’s become pretty closely acquainted with zombie culture of late. We’re treading on thin ice. I can feel my eye twitching as Adam helps me stand. Thin thin ice.

I tried to pass off some dirty laundry as CLASSIC zombie culture the other day but Thor was having none of it. I’m pretty sure he’s even reviewed my eBook, under the imaginative name GlitterIsUnsafeAwayWithIt, which would suggest he’s at least perused the offending article.

I have nothing concrete, of course, just a hunch. That, and the way he deftly flicks a shard of glass across the room for one of my tribe to catch as Adam preens my shirt.

“I’m fine, I’m fine. Less of the hand action please!” I say to him as I peel him away with a light smile.

Satisfied, Adam walks off to round up the zombies and save Baldur from their Glitter-Heely display combo. As soon as he’s out of earshot I frown at Tyler. I can already feel his need to blurt out secrets building from beside me.

“You! Zip it!” I whisper. “You know how set on seeing the Bifröst they all are! Think of that!”

As I speak I feel the hairs on the back of my neck charge. Glancing around I find the source of the sudden static, a God considering me from behind Amalia. She’s unscathed, so I take that as an excellent sign.

It takes a while for me to find a smile that I can plaster on my face as I wave and say, “Everything is A-OKAY, guys! We have all limbs present and accounted for! Woo! Go team! Yeahh!”

“Maybe tone down the false enthusiasm,” Tyler murmurs in my ear after a few moments of me withering beneath Thor’s gaze and ignoring Amalia’s confused frown.

I suppress a sigh. The zombie is one of few words and yet he always needs to have the last one, even when I’m knee deep in a NOTHING TO SEE HERE staring contest with a God.

“Mia,” Tyler says after a few moments.

“Tyler,” I say, fighting a blink as Thor shifts his stance slightly. I don’t know why I am attempting to outlast him, I imagine he could out-stare glaciers if he felt the need.

“Mia,” Tyler reiterates.

“Tyler,” I confirm.

“Mia.” 

“WHAT?”

I’ve lost the fight with Thor, and I watch a small smirk dance about his face before I whip around to glare at Tyler. Zombie handling takes patience, and for the most part I have got patience DOWN, but we are in deep doo doo if the real events of the Satyr-Zombie riot gets out. It will cost us our asylum I’m sure. And, really, it is mostly this guy’s fault.

Who falls in love with a Vamp anyway?

Oh yes, that’s right, Tyler has. And, as he waves frantically at the door, I begin to realise that maybe leaving her a note that we were off on a SMALL UNPLANNED LEAVE OF ABSENCE OUR RETURN TO BE CONFIRMED, NO BIGGY was not the best way to break the outcome of the riot THEY ACTUALLY CAUSED to his new girlfriend. What can I say? I’m not up on current Vampire etiquette.

“This isn’t what it looks like!” I call over to Amalia as Tyler rushes to the doors, when really, it totally is.

We’ve been using the Satyr-zombie riot as an excuse.  Tyler and Adler broke one of the fundamental treaties of the un-dead world by having a rather heated debated in the ladies hosiery section of a nearby department store recently. We’ve been running from the law ever since. Zombie-Vampire combat of any form, even unintentional verbal sparring, is strictly forbidden by the Bram Vamp- Zombie Declaration of 1967.

A declaration Tyler and his girl contravened three days ago.

Three days we’ve been on the run. That’s way too many hours in the presence of drooling glitter enthusiasts. I pick another feather from my person as Tyler lets Adler in and Amalia throws me a look somewhere between HORROR and FRUSTRATION that I wish I could mirror.

Man.

If somebody doesn’t offer me a shower soon I am really going to throw down.

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